Issues- no problem solving here!

Issues, we all have them to varying degrees. And so many to choose from. Where do I start? Housework- the bane of my existence, I kid you not. Repetition with no end or thanks ever! Idk how anyone finds comfort or satisfaction in doing the same things over and over, day in and day out. It really is monotonous and boring! So this is one of my biggest issues as it is a psychological chore just to mentally convince myself to get it done. And when I’m finally finished I’m both physically and mentally drained and usually in a piss poor mood 🙂

Parenting- I love my kids, not as much as God does but I’m definitely next in line. However they try my patience like no one else. So many issues when it comes to parenting but as I have found out they are nothing new or nothing different. It would seem that every parent has some type of issue or another with at least one of their kids at one time or another. Fortunately my children are very understanding when I need them to be, and when I’m not suffering with a migraine or PMS they antagonize the heck out of me! But I still love my children 🙂

Politics- a recent issue, since shortly before Obamas 2nd election I became strangely preoccupied with wanting to know about politics, government and current events. After a tragic loss which lead to his 2nd term my fervor for politics exploded. I would spend all day learning, reading and researching everything I could about that state of our country. For 6-8 months I have been consumed by politics, current events and world news, so much so that it started bringing me down. Now I’m at a crossroad do I continue to know about the political state of our country when everything put there is more depressing and worse each day that passes, or do I ignore the looming demise stick my head in the sand and deal with the fall out after it happens? Yeah well your guess is as good as mine, lol 🙂

Growing old- yes I have an issue with growing old! My issue is I don’t like having to maintain or work at staying healthy, young and fit! I want the days where I could eat and be thin, not eat and not get a headache. Not stretch or exercise and still be flexible and bend down without pulling something! And lets not forget about my hearing and eyesight were perfect! Now I’m overweight, wear glasses to see far away, have trouble hearing, get weird aches and pains and if I was so inclined I could or should exercise to stay limber and get rid of some of these weird creaky joint sounds I have 🙂

My superego- idk why but I always seem to be reflecting on what I said, and then beat myself up for what I said, then I have to talk myself out of depression from being so critical of myself. Next comes an irrational decision to never talk to people again only to find myself doing the same thing over again. My only solace in this vicious circle is God. At times I have to remind myself that if I’m in the presence of Christians and they abide by the same rules I do “judge not, lest thee be judged” then I’m safe and at peace. However I’m quick to remind myself that I STILL need to control my tongue 🙂

Gay marriage, oh that subject again!

Gays(homosexuals)- I’m using the word throughout this piece not to be offensive or insensitive but purely because its a shorter word.
Hets(heterosexuals)

But it’s the word marriage that seems to be the biggest contention of this subject. For gays, I suppose, it’s a statement of equality and acceptance. They almost insist that their union be legally called a marriage. As for the hets, mostly of varying religious backgrounds, they are adamant in that marriage refers exclusively to a union between a biological man and woman. So clearly this makes for some difficult decision making for our law makers.

Many have complained that the government doesn’t have any right on what people see as a religious subject. This would be true if it were only a religious issue, but it is also a legal issue. Opinions aside, lets look at a simple illustration for perspective. Two people live together committed to each other, they have worked, saved, cared for each other and spent 20 years of their lives building a life together, doing all those things that couples conceivably do. Then one dies, and all that they have together is now held up by numerous legal red tape because they weren’t married. Not because they didn’t want to be married but because they weren’t allowed to be married. A legal and financial nightmare, compounded by frustration and grief from the loss of someone you love.

Now you may not agree with the gay lifestyle but does the above scenario sound even remotely fair? Rhetorical question because I’m not actually interested in an answer because ultimately there will always be one who will never consider someone else’s view if it is contrary to theirs.

This is not to say that I am for gay marriage because as I stated that is a touchy name, I do however support a gay union. But I know that label will not fly with many gays because it still differentiates their union from a hets marriage. That is where I propose that from a purely legal and governmental stand all marriages that want to benefit from any type of financial or legal gain be renamed to “spousal union”. There will be no differentiating from a legal view whether a couple is gay or het, since that seems to be the direction our country is going in anyway.

A “marriage certificate” however would be issued by religious organizations, similar to a hospitals birth announcement, a church’s baptismal certificate, a temple’s bar mitzvah, etc… It has some legal uses but it’s not the “official” document. The person performing the “marriage” would still have to file the paperwork that is currently required by the individual states, each state has its own guidelines on who has the authority to perform a “marriage”. Again the legal name of marriage would need to be changed to “spousal union” almost as to imply a contract of sorts.

My hope is that by making this issue more of a legal issue rather than a religious issue some type of mutual agreement can be made, that would be widely accepted and understood. Another reason that I would like some closure, is because of the looming threat to religious organizations of having their nonprofit statuses revoked because they refuse to “marry” gays. So if we remove the religious aspect from the equation these institutions hopefully would not be under scrutiny.

Meaning that a church as an example could now refuse to perform a religious ceremony on a couple seeking a legal spousal union. Though the pastor is legally allowed to perform a spousal union he has no obligation to do so. Just as a cop has the authority to give you a ticket he also has the right to excuse you from receiving a citation with a verbal warning. It is within his right to carry out the law as he deems appropriate at that time. Same with a judge, a judge is not beholden to accept a verdict and though it is rare can override a jury’s verdict. And likewise with many other religious ceremonies, eg; bar mitzvah, confirmation, holy communion, bris, just because the rabbi or priest can perform them doesn’t mean he has to. So his refusal is based on his religion not on disregarding the law.

So what is your reason for wanting to get married? I’m sure it’s for love, and with that it is only right that you should get the legal benefits, obviously. And if it’s for love does the name of the legal document really matter? I ask because if you want so desperately to have a “marriage” as a sign of equality of your love and to have the same social acceptance as a het marriage you are deluding yourselves. I’m not trying to be harsh or mean, but religious folk are just as stubborn in their views as y’all are in yours. Unless we can reach some middle ground things will not end nicely for one side or the other, someone will not be equal.

In summation, while marriage is typically a union of a man and a woman it is not always religious in origin. Christians however will never give on marriage and I don’t blame them, it is our religious right. But a “spousal union” could/would be a legal governmental contractual union void of religious overtones or connotations. And a religious couple could still have a religious marriage and sign two documents, a “marriage certificate” that would be on file with the church, temple, etc and a “spousal union license” that would be on state record. Problem solved!

Normal then and now, how the times have changed!

Normal- usual, typical, expected, average, standard.

So what is normal in society? Well for starters having a mom and a dad is normal. Has been since the dawn of existence primarily for obvious reasons. Working is normal if you want to eat, again verifiable by the fact if you didn’t plant, toil, till, hunt all forms of work, well you did not eat. Even gathering is work. Eating and sleeping, normal. Wearing some type of covering normal, though depending on where you grew up that covering and area covered may differ. The family unit is normal again that base unit varies depending on where you live. A home or place for refuge.

So far we have parents, working, eating, sleeping, clothing, family and a home are all things that are normal occurrences and conditions pretty much universal. Now I will add a few other things which have become normal within the past couple hundred years. Education, medicine/health, defense, monetary unit, religion and some type of ruler, now that’s not to say that these things didn’t exists before its just that they weren’t available to everyone.

So now parents, family, work, eat, sleep, clothing, shelter, education, medicine, defense, money, religion and government/rule.

When life first began we needed a mother and father to bring us into existence. That created a family. That family worked the land to create a place for shelter, food and coverings for their bodies. As families grew little villages were created and everyone worked and contributed to the success of the village. What those people learned from their years they passed onto their children. The worlds population continued to grow exponentially and then there were those who were not content in being part of the group.

Somehow certain people decided they should be in control of others through oppression or coercion and since people weren’t prepared for such invasions they were overthrown. Which brought about defenses and governments. And we continue down this path of our own demise. Gone are the days when you were responsible for yourself and your family. Now we are responsible for everyone! How you might ask. Well you are responsible for yourself, eating, sleeping and working are the easiest to accomplish, the rest gets a little difficult. Shelter, to shelter yourself in most places you need to purchase the land and maintain taxes. Those taxes pay fund the government. Not even going to include family costs. Next clothing, unless you can grow, spin, and knit wool or cotton or skin animals chances are you have to buy your clothes like the rest of us, which costs money. In order to get money you need to work. When you work you pay taxes and taxes pay for everything.

So somehow we went from being responsible for ourselves to taking care of everyone. And “everyone” are not equally contributor, this has become the norm. Helping the masses who do nothing but suck off the teat of their nations and contribute nothing.

Friends, trust, or who knows? certainly not me!

No wonder the world is becoming so abominable and people are becoming so self absorbed and enigmatic. Maybe it is just me with more paranoid thoughts running through my head, so I’ll continue to type to let my thoughts play themselves out. Now I certainly am not excluded from this line of thought, I’m sure I’m just as guilty as the next person in my self preservation and egocentricity.

Sometime ago I had a realization that I don’t have “friends” the way I did when I was younger. As a teenager and young adult I forged 4 solid friendships that I thought would last a lifetime, 3 are still there but are not active as we all have gone our separate ways. The fourth however left me empty. And has since been replaced by my husband so I still have 4 solid friends, best friends.

Let me expound on what that means to me, first these are friends who have seen me at my worst, yet remained my friends. Stupidity, anger, lunacy, and pure unadulterated FUN! We’ve taken turns paying for each other, because sometimes one has the money and other times one needs the money. There was no feeling of owing or repayment because if we had we gave, if we didn’t have we made due. So I should’ve known when the 1st fourth started making issues about money, but I didn’t because at that time I did have the money so paying for things really wasn’t an issue for me. But time reveals all things.

Long story short. Great times were had, she is a fabulous cook, and I really don’t regret the friendship we had, but our falling out left me as I said “empty”. I suppose it could also have to do with my age, because the older I get the more apprehensive I become about being “friends” with people. Don’t get me wrong I can open up to anyone, to me that is not what defines friendship. Being an egocentric self-absorbed extrovert makes it easy to talk about myself. But I am more than that. I also consider myself kind, compassionate and giving with a bunch of crazy just to keep things interesting. But still generosity still doesn’t define friendship for me.

So what does friendship mean to me? Trust, honesty and understanding. I’m not perfect, almost but not quite. But I consider truth to be one of the most important aspects of every relationship, sometimes to a fault on my part I suppose, as my eldest could attest to I’m sure. Next is trust and respect. I take both of those qualities very serious in both giving and receiving, again I’m not perfect nor do I expect perfection, that is where understanding comes into play. Mutual respect, consideration, being truthful enough to be honest with each other and not have to be concerned that you will offend them. Of course this does take time to establish and I imagine it also has to be continually nurtured even if it is a phone call every other year or so depending on the foundation of the friendship(which will certainly vary).

I can say that my husband does meet this criteria I’ve laid out for myself, with great relief I might add 🙂 But that was not my reason for this op-ed. My reason is a bit foolish, I thought I had said something in confidence to one and that remark came back to me via another. Which started me thinking whom do I call a friend. Do I continue to keep everyone at arms length and not share any thoughts that I wouldn’t reveal to the world? Which believe me there aren’t to many of those that I have. Well considering I mostly shut myself off anyhow, I guess not much will change. I’ll just have to be a bit more prudent in what I say and further minimize my human interactions!