Gay marriage, oh that subject again!

Gays(homosexuals)- I’m using the word throughout this piece not to be offensive or insensitive but purely because its a shorter word.

But it’s the word marriage that seems to be the biggest contention of this subject. For gays, I suppose, it’s a statement of equality and acceptance. They almost insist that their union be legally called a marriage. As for the hets, mostly of varying religious backgrounds, they are adamant in that marriage refers exclusively to a union between a biological man and woman. So clearly this makes for some difficult decision making for our law makers.

Many have complained that the government doesn’t have any right on what people see as a religious subject. This would be true if it were only a religious issue, but it is also a legal issue. Opinions aside, lets look at a simple illustration for perspective. Two people live together committed to each other, they have worked, saved, cared for each other and spent 20 years of their lives building a life together, doing all those things that couples conceivably do. Then one dies, and all that they have together is now held up by numerous legal red tape because they weren’t married. Not because they didn’t want to be married but because they weren’t allowed to be married. A legal and financial nightmare, compounded by frustration and grief from the loss of someone you love.

Now you may not agree with the gay lifestyle but does the above scenario sound even remotely fair? Rhetorical question because I’m not actually interested in an answer because ultimately there will always be one who will never consider someone else’s view if it is contrary to theirs.

This is not to say that I am for gay marriage because as I stated that is a touchy name, I do however support a gay union. But I know that label will not fly with many gays because it still differentiates their union from a hets marriage. That is where I propose that from a purely legal and governmental stand all marriages that want to benefit from any type of financial or legal gain be renamed to “spousal union”. There will be no differentiating from a legal view whether a couple is gay or het, since that seems to be the direction our country is going in anyway.

A “marriage certificate” however would be issued by religious organizations, similar to a hospitals birth announcement, a church’s baptismal certificate, a temple’s bar mitzvah, etc… It has some legal uses but it’s not the “official” document. The person performing the “marriage” would still have to file the paperwork that is currently required by the individual states, each state has its own guidelines on who has the authority to perform a “marriage”. Again the legal name of marriage would need to be changed to “spousal union” almost as to imply a contract of sorts.

My hope is that by making this issue more of a legal issue rather than a religious issue some type of mutual agreement can be made, that would be widely accepted and understood. Another reason that I would like some closure, is because of the looming threat to religious organizations of having their nonprofit statuses revoked because they refuse to “marry” gays. So if we remove the religious aspect from the equation these institutions hopefully would not be under scrutiny.

Meaning that a church as an example could now refuse to perform a religious ceremony on a couple seeking a legal spousal union. Though the pastor is legally allowed to perform a spousal union he has no obligation to do so. Just as a cop has the authority to give you a ticket he also has the right to excuse you from receiving a citation with a verbal warning. It is within his right to carry out the law as he deems appropriate at that time. Same with a judge, a judge is not beholden to accept a verdict and though it is rare can override a jury’s verdict. And likewise with many other religious ceremonies, eg; bar mitzvah, confirmation, holy communion, bris, just because the rabbi or priest can perform them doesn’t mean he has to. So his refusal is based on his religion not on disregarding the law.

So what is your reason for wanting to get married? I’m sure it’s for love, and with that it is only right that you should get the legal benefits, obviously. And if it’s for love does the name of the legal document really matter? I ask because if you want so desperately to have a “marriage” as a sign of equality of your love and to have the same social acceptance as a het marriage you are deluding yourselves. I’m not trying to be harsh or mean, but religious folk are just as stubborn in their views as y’all are in yours. Unless we can reach some middle ground things will not end nicely for one side or the other, someone will not be equal.

In summation, while marriage is typically a union of a man and a woman it is not always religious in origin. Christians however will never give on marriage and I don’t blame them, it is our religious right. But a “spousal union” could/would be a legal governmental contractual union void of religious overtones or connotations. And a religious couple could still have a religious marriage and sign two documents, a “marriage certificate” that would be on file with the church, temple, etc and a “spousal union license” that would be on state record. Problem solved!


Normal then and now, how the times have changed!

Normal- usual, typical, expected, average, standard.

So what is normal in society? Well for starters having a mom and a dad is normal. Has been since the dawn of existence primarily for obvious reasons. Working is normal if you want to eat, again verifiable by the fact if you didn’t plant, toil, till, hunt all forms of work, well you did not eat. Even gathering is work. Eating and sleeping, normal. Wearing some type of covering normal, though depending on where you grew up that covering and area covered may differ. The family unit is normal again that base unit varies depending on where you live. A home or place for refuge.

So far we have parents, working, eating, sleeping, clothing, family and a home are all things that are normal occurrences and conditions pretty much universal. Now I will add a few other things which have become normal within the past couple hundred years. Education, medicine/health, defense, monetary unit, religion and some type of ruler, now that’s not to say that these things didn’t exists before its just that they weren’t available to everyone.

So now parents, family, work, eat, sleep, clothing, shelter, education, medicine, defense, money, religion and government/rule.

When life first began we needed a mother and father to bring us into existence. That created a family. That family worked the land to create a place for shelter, food and coverings for their bodies. As families grew little villages were created and everyone worked and contributed to the success of the village. What those people learned from their years they passed onto their children. The worlds population continued to grow exponentially and then there were those who were not content in being part of the group.

Somehow certain people decided they should be in control of others through oppression or coercion and since people weren’t prepared for such invasions they were overthrown. Which brought about defenses and governments. And we continue down this path of our own demise. Gone are the days when you were responsible for yourself and your family. Now we are responsible for everyone! How you might ask. Well you are responsible for yourself, eating, sleeping and working are the easiest to accomplish, the rest gets a little difficult. Shelter, to shelter yourself in most places you need to purchase the land and maintain taxes. Those taxes pay fund the government. Not even going to include family costs. Next clothing, unless you can grow, spin, and knit wool or cotton or skin animals chances are you have to buy your clothes like the rest of us, which costs money. In order to get money you need to work. When you work you pay taxes and taxes pay for everything.

So somehow we went from being responsible for ourselves to taking care of everyone. And “everyone” are not equally contributor, this has become the norm. Helping the masses who do nothing but suck off the teat of their nations and contribute nothing.

Friends, trust, or who knows? certainly not me!

No wonder the world is becoming so abominable and people are becoming so self absorbed and enigmatic. Maybe it is just me with more paranoid thoughts running through my head, so I’ll continue to type to let my thoughts play themselves out. Now I certainly am not excluded from this line of thought, I’m sure I’m just as guilty as the next person in my self preservation and egocentricity.

Sometime ago I had a realization that I don’t have “friends” the way I did when I was younger. As a teenager and young adult I forged 4 solid friendships that I thought would last a lifetime, 3 are still there but are not active as we all have gone our separate ways. The fourth however left me empty. And has since been replaced by my husband so I still have 4 solid friends, best friends.

Let me expound on what that means to me, first these are friends who have seen me at my worst, yet remained my friends. Stupidity, anger, lunacy, and pure unadulterated FUN! We’ve taken turns paying for each other, because sometimes one has the money and other times one needs the money. There was no feeling of owing or repayment because if we had we gave, if we didn’t have we made due. So I should’ve known when the 1st fourth started making issues about money, but I didn’t because at that time I did have the money so paying for things really wasn’t an issue for me. But time reveals all things.

Long story short. Great times were had, she is a fabulous cook, and I really don’t regret the friendship we had, but our falling out left me as I said “empty”. I suppose it could also have to do with my age, because the older I get the more apprehensive I become about being “friends” with people. Don’t get me wrong I can open up to anyone, to me that is not what defines friendship. Being an egocentric self-absorbed extrovert makes it easy to talk about myself. But I am more than that. I also consider myself kind, compassionate and giving with a bunch of crazy just to keep things interesting. But still generosity still doesn’t define friendship for me.

So what does friendship mean to me? Trust, honesty and understanding. I’m not perfect, almost but not quite. But I consider truth to be one of the most important aspects of every relationship, sometimes to a fault on my part I suppose, as my eldest could attest to I’m sure. Next is trust and respect. I take both of those qualities very serious in both giving and receiving, again I’m not perfect nor do I expect perfection, that is where understanding comes into play. Mutual respect, consideration, being truthful enough to be honest with each other and not have to be concerned that you will offend them. Of course this does take time to establish and I imagine it also has to be continually nurtured even if it is a phone call every other year or so depending on the foundation of the friendship(which will certainly vary).

I can say that my husband does meet this criteria I’ve laid out for myself, with great relief I might add 🙂 But that was not my reason for this op-ed. My reason is a bit foolish, I thought I had said something in confidence to one and that remark came back to me via another. Which started me thinking whom do I call a friend. Do I continue to keep everyone at arms length and not share any thoughts that I wouldn’t reveal to the world? Which believe me there aren’t to many of those that I have. Well considering I mostly shut myself off anyhow, I guess not much will change. I’ll just have to be a bit more prudent in what I say and further minimize my human interactions!

Socialism amongst other ramblings.

This world and everything that’s going on is enough to drive you mad. Trying to stay abreast on current events is exhausting. Then if you do manage to stay in the know, you must also educate yourself on laws, history and stats. I can not keep up with pace the of being informed, but at the same time I feel as though I can not take the chance of missing some vital information that may ultimately change the course of history for the worst. There used to be a point in time where you could trust that the media and the politicians were there to protect you and keep you informed, but those days are nearly gone.

Who would have ever conceived or believed that America would be under attack from within? Certainly not me. Years ago before I went to college, I would begrudge those who made millions of the backs of others, feeling that its not fair that we have millions living in squalor while others have mansions all over the world with full staffs in each place. After going on welfare and seeing those who bilk the system and have no intention on doing for themselves, I realized these are not the people who I’d want to support even a little bit. So I know full well what it’s like to be a liberal and to view socialism as a panacea for poverty and equality. But that is NOT the answer.

Socialism assumes everyone is willing to work for the benefit of everyone. But that is not reality. Some people will always work harder while others dawdle, many people are geniuses while others are not, so to think that a person who has no skill or drive should be entitled to the same comforts and benefits as the person who applies themself both in education and drive is in itself unfair. The welfare system was not created to support families for generations, it was created to help families through difficult periods. If we continue down this path of social dependence there will be no welfare system left.

So how does one theoretically convince lazy entitled Americans that they’re destroying the very foundation of America with their self-serving greed. Their disdain which is really jealousy for the rich, which in turns gives them the notion that they are entitled to a free ride because the “rich” can take care of them because they are rich and have all the money and it’s unfair, is a crock of crap. Because you know full well if those poor became filthy rich, they certainly wouldn’t be out there spreading the wealth. Jealousy, greed, envy the very reasons why socialism will never and have never worked. This is an imperfect world and you can not create a perfect world with imperfect people.

However, you can create fairness. If you work and pay into a system you can receive benefits from that system or in the case for teen moms they can use their parents benefits. People need to start being held accountable and these feel good liberals need to get some logic and realize not everyone is “equal” as far as drive and ability is concerned. Which leads me to the next point of education. As it stands now, secondary education is paid for by loans, grants, scholarships or family and is available to anyone who has the ambition to go college. So if a person invests time and money into a college degree, how is it fair that they should not receive a better living than someone who has no desire to do the same? The opportunity exist for both and even if the one is not equipped with the same intelligence as the other, how is that the responsibility of the people to provide the same level of conveniences as one who is an intellectual genius?

Life is not about being fair and equal in all things. Life is about doing what you need to do to provide for yourself and your family and making the best out of what you have. Would I like to have a fully staffed home, a personal chef and trainer sure, but I don’t and I certainly don’t begrudge those who do. Do I think it’s a waste of money for movie stars to bathe in Evian, yes I do, but what can I do? Make them stop spending their money on Evian and feed and house six families for a year, no of course not. When rich people do stupid things with their money it is not a reason to excuse the laziness of those on welfare. Nor is it a reason to support socialism.

As far as the children are concerned, instead of feeling sorry for all those “poor” kids, which I no longer do, how about instilling in the teens the importance of education and working before bringing a child into this world. Give the kids the knowledge of responsibilities and commitment, not excuses and mediocracy. In a perfect world I might care, but as it stands people are not interested in working together for the greater good. They are only see what they don’t have, not why they don’t have it. They only see unfairness, not happiness with what they do have. And they have no desire to take positive steps to change their path, they just think of ways to get a few dollars more by cheating the system. And these are the people that the government wants you to share your hard earned money with via the socialization of America. Sorry but in my world, if you don’t work you don’t eat.

The Obama Quandary!

So I think I may have a solution to my present quandary over Obama. In a desperate search on what to do and how to process the state of our national affairs and to keep within my Christian beliefs which I try to adhere to the Bible as the foundation for answers and clues for many things, I’ve found a number of passages which I believe hold the answer.

1) 1Timothy 2:1-4
…first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people, for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

The first step I see is prayer, praying for those who are in authority over us. It says we should pray be thankful so peace and calm may reign, with godliness and holiness… The end result being salvation for all who believe.

2) Romans 13:1-7
Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities… established by God… whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted… rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right… the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer… submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience… also… pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give… what you owe… If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

3) 1Peter 2:13-17
Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority: whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves. Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.

What follows next in these 2 passages is submitting to authority and this will serve you well if you believe that Obama or any ruler is in power because of God, I however do not subscribe to that belief. And view our current administration as more of an enemy intent on destroying our nation. So I continued on in search of more scriptures.

4) Matthew 5:43-48
“You have heard… ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

5) Luke 6:27,28
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

6) Proverbs 16:7
When a man’s ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.

Now in complete honesty my intention was to “heap coals” upon the administrations head.
However the verse, Proverbs 25:21,22
“If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
For so you will heap coals of fire on his head, And the Lord will reward you.”,
didn’t really make sense in regards to an entire governmental entity. I mean I certainly am not going to feed and provide drinks for everyone in the Obama admin, besides Obama has a food taster so idk how he’d even be affected!
So I tossed that one aside and looked for others on praying for enemies and the above 3 are what I found.

7) Proverbs 24:17
Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;

This will be the hardest to abide by, maybe, if somehow if only by the grace of God our country miraculously recovers, socially, economically, environmentally, democratically, historically and any other “lly” that’s relevant, I will be jubilant. But not to hopeful in that. I guess the more realistic outcome will be Obama falls flat on his face and our nation is ruined on every “lly”, I’m not quite sure I’ll be rejoicing if that’s what his fall brings! Only time will tell.

My conclusion is thus… If I trust in God, then I must trust in God. Whether Obama is in power established by God or not, I’m still instructed to pray for those in authority and remain faithful to God. And since I view the Obama admin and the majority of democrats in Congress as enemies destroying our nation, or so it seems to me, again I’m instructed to pray for my enemies.

Condemnation is much easier than praying for those you oppose, but my trust in God is my strength and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Yes even pray for Obama and the democrats in power to be influenced by God to put our Nation back on the track to prosperity and re establish our national mantra of “in God we trust”.

Innocence stolen, trust destroyed

At least 10% of the women I know, as children, have been violated either by molestation or rape, including myself. That 10% represents only the ones I know about. Rape and molestation are often not reported for many reasons including but not only because of shame, disgust, self-loathing, fear, no one to tell, and threats. And having been molested as a child, 7yo-11yo, I’ve had years to learn and grow and get past it’s oppression. Being sexually violated wreaks havoc on your mind in so many different areas, I’ll leave that for later, and everyone recovers or deals with it differently.

However, I’m not writing this solely to help those who have befell victim to these crimes, but in hopes to prevent or even possibly give courage to those who are currently be victimized to be encouraged to stop it.

First I would caution all parents to teach your children that their private area is private and to start it as young as you feel comfortable with. Next I would also compel you to drive home the fact that there are people who exist in the world who are “freaks” and are not nice to kids. And that sometimes these people will try to touch children’s private parts and tell the kids that if the kids say anything that they will hurt their mom or dad, or they(the kid) will get in trouble, etc… The lies they tell are endless as is the debase mentally of these freaks. So talk with your children and give them the knowledge and truth to try and combat these advances before they happen.

Next for those who maybe stuck in such a situation, there is nothing, no part whatsoever that is your fault! None! Any person who takes sexual advantage of a child is deplorable and unfortunately is probably a victim themself, but that doesn’t vindicate their actions. If someone is sexually abusing you and they are threatening you, by saying they will hurt your mom, dad, sister, brother, pet, or telling you no one will believe you, or whatever hold they have on you, don’t believe them. Tell a teacher, cop, friend, friend’s parent, your parent, someone you can trust, and if you have no one call 911 and tell the them. It will not be easy, and you will most likely have to go to court, but if you don’t stop the person after you get to old for them they will go and start molesting or raping someone else. Have courage and faith and know that even though it seems hopeless and lonely only God can get you through this. I can’t quite explain in this post how or why God lets this type of behavior exist but I can tell you God will get you through it.

Now a thought for those who have been violated and have not yet come to terms with it, I would say to talk about it, get it out. So much confusion and confliction builds up and remains when we don’t confront our fears and don’t understand why we think or feel the things we feel. Not saying you need to run out and seek professional help, but just open up and let it out, even writing a letter to yourself can be a starting point for healing and understanding. It took years for me to get to this point, but if it saves even one child from being sexually assaulted or helps even one person who is suffering from guilt associated with a sexual violation, I have done something good.

Last thought and I mentioned this only because sadly there are a few who will lie about being raped or molested. To those I say falsely accusing any person of touching you in a obvious sexual manner: molestation, rape, groping, you are worse and lower than those I find to be the lowest form of scum on the planet, you rank yourself lower than them. Do not ever falsely accuse anyone of sexual abuse, assault or whatever charge if it is a blatant lie! That lie is far worse than any act a child molester does. I did not say this to discourage any real claims, you know when you’ve been violated and if you are unsure again talk to someone, a cop will always take your claim seriously as will 911.

Radical division

Because of the tension in the nation with division on political affiliation, gay marriage, gun rights, illegal immigration and whatever else I may have missed, it seems that both sides of the arguments are becoming more opposed and entrenched in their views with such vigor as to not even consider what the other side has got to say. And I for one have begun to think that way. Which is precisely why I am writing this.

We are all entitled to our own beliefs and lifestyles, within reason. And this nation affords us that freedom almost limitlessly. But what I see almost daily from both sides of every issue I mentioned and a few others is a narrow-mindedness, egocentric, self-serving attitude that does not even listen let alone consider another persons stand. When I comment on different threads I usually try to stay on topic, factual and fair while still maintaining my stand and not resort to name calling because someone objects to my belief. But with constant exposure to this type of behavior from oppositionist who usually do not conduct themselves with the same considerations as I try to maintain, I find myself becoming hateful to groups and issues I have no true ill will against. These are extremists fueling the divisive fires with such inflammatory lies, name calling, etc… vile trolls they are. And I am a victim of their hateful rhetoric no longer.

For my hope remains in Christ not in man, as I believe it should be with all men(humans). But my goal here is not to turn everyone to Christ but hopefully to establish middle ground on some very sensitive subjects. I will start with “gay marriage/same sex marriage”. The word “marriage” is viewed by almost every(if not every) civilization as a union of a “man” to a “woman” made official by coitus when the female has come of age(for those civilizations). Whether or not it is or is not a religious union is not the subject entirely, because not every man and woman joined in marriage are religious or even accept God. But historically speaking on the whole from ancient books of law, and stories, archaeological finds, historical accounts and general global acceptance and knowledge of marriage is the union of a man and a woman. Now is that to say that no homosexual marriage has ever existed, no, but to declare that marriage by law should expand its definition to include the union of homosexuals regardless of the fact that most religions view homosexuality as sinful is just as narrow-minded and self-serving as those you accuse the same of.

Semantics always seems to play a major role in issues like these so I’m trying to by mindful of my words, so what I’ve heard is gays want equal rights to be treated the same as “same-sex” or have the same benefits as same-sex marriages. And I personally have no qualms about those requests, they are fair and valid. But if the biggest issue is the word “marriage” and wanting a “marriage” license and not a “civil union” license, then it seems no agreement will ever be reached without dissension from one side or another. Now obviously I’m not gay so I can’t really speak for the importance or need of the word marriage in lieu “civil union” but what I see to be the most important part of this issue would be the legal recognition of a “civil union” which affords the same benefits as a marriage in regards to spousal benefits, taxes, estate death benefits, SS benefits, etc.

In short a “civil union” allowing gays to marry without changing the word “marriage” adding in “civil union” for legal purposes, would allow gays same marriage benefits and at the same time appease the religious communities, securing and respecting their views on the sanctity of “marriage”, thereby ,in my opinion, satisfying the majority from both sides. Because I doubt you could ever get everyone to agree on all things.

Gun control, rights, limits and everything else it includes is another subject where the divide is great especially by those who have guns vs those who have lost a loved one or have been injured from a gun crime. Most parents who have lost a child to a gun are adamantly opposed to the current gun availability in our nation, which is understandable if you look at how easy it is to kill someone from afar with a gun or how many people you can kill with a gun in a limited amount of time. But what it doesn’t show is who are the majority of gun murder victims. It is not innocent kids, as a matter of fact the majority of murderers of children ages 5 and younger are their parents(67%)followed by a male friend of the family(23%)then other relatives(7%)with the last and least by a stranger(3%). Also more than half of the gun deaths listed yearly are self-inflicted suicides, which are included in the gun death numbers thus creating a preconceived idea that gun deaths lead in violent deaths. But death by poisons and bludgeoning(don’t have the stabbing stats) out number gun deaths(no suicides by bludgeoning). Just a few more facts on death numbers 2011 drugs 40,239; motor vehicle 26,256; alcohol 34,677; guns 32,163 of which 19,766 were self-inflicted bringing the number to 12,397gun deaths. Included in that number are accidental and law enforcement related shootings.
So before you take away anyone’s right to bear and keep arms, try convincing your local and federal LEOs and politicians to enforce current laws and make criminal punishment something criminals fear, not laugh at! Then and only then when the punishment befits the crime and criminals fear punishment: I’m hoping for hangings, drawn and quartered, cutting off fingers, etc., if crime still exists I will be open to reviewing a gun control bill as I’m sure most would agree.